Comic Book Action Heros Fall Flat and Dead on the Silver Screen.

When I was in attending school, for my certification in 3D Digital Art and Animation, we had a "film" class one semester. Let me tell you, having to watch John Carpenter's "The Thing" three times through for research on a paper was totally not cool. One of the things that we would do is go down to the local movie theater for "class". We'd sit in the movie and dissect it through and through for it's brilliance and it's flaws. Movies such as The Mummy: Curse of the Scorpion King met our wrath for it's cookie cutter 3D animation of the "Rock" as a scorpion. Or the our slight approval of spider Man 2 for the hotness that was Kirsten Dunst.
It seems that in the past twenty years, Hollywood trying to ruin and steal our very childhood in the name of the ol mighty dollar. I am talking not about our beloved video game icons (that's another blog entirely) but of our passion for comic books and the heros we grew up pretending to be and dreaming of doing all the fantastic things they did.
It started early for most of us (I realize that there are some reading this that were not born in the 70's)...Chris Reeves, Margot Kidder, Gene Hackman thrilling us in the first Superman Movie at the local drive in movie theater. By Superman III, it was old and worn and even casting Richard Pryor couldn't save it. There was even that forgettable one shot of SuperGirl that I saw in Thailand one year, all I can say was that she was cute. Of course, Hollywood stepped in to revive a dead horse with a new Superman version recently...haven't seen it, don't care to.
Flash Gordon was almost laughable if it wasn't for the great Queen song used as the theme song.
Batman of the 1990's was great for it's villians not so much for it's stand in main actors or it's styrofoam muscles. The new Batmans are very well written and grittier but it begs the que of who makes a better damsel in distress, Kate or Maggie? Don't forget the miss that was Catwoman, maybe I'm partial but I like Michelle Pfieffer better (except in Grease 2)
The Hulk..OMG...things are so bad in the screenwriters department that there are three different Hulks...for good measure, why doesn't someone write a screenplay for the She-Hulk...might as well, might even get ol Captain Kirk all riled up to see a green female monster/alien being.
Daredevil with Elecktra...I just don't like Ben Affleck but Jennifer Garner looked totally smoking hawt in her body suit, hose, and boots in the new movie Arthur with Russel Brand...go see it if you are a fan of the Dudley Moore/Liza Minilli version...THAT screenwriter got it right.
X-Men and the Fantastic Four, I'll just include them together since I've only seen bits and pieces. My only complaint was that I think the Silver Surfer should have gotten his own movie and not as a bit player. I was never a fan of the X-Men but I do appreciate Rebecca Romijn covered in blue body goo...The Wolverine just seemed that it was miscast since I've always seen him as being meaner.
Ghost Rider...oh how they ruined it...simply by having Nicholas Cage as the Ghost Rider...the movie was screwed after the opening act was over.
Iron Man...I felt, did a great job. Robert Downey is slightly miscast BUT he took the character and owned it. I was never a fan of the comic book but this movie series made me like it. Plus I totally have a thing for Gwyenth and Scarlett. I didn't agree with the recasting of Terrence Howard to Don Cheadle but that's only because I know that it's an open ended series leaving Cheadle to be the 2nd Iron Man for a third movie (if the series follows the comic book)
The Spider Man series really was on point with keeping with the original storyline. Toby McGuire was just dorky enough to pull off the Peter Parker bit. Kirsten Dunst was miscast but was greatly appreciated as eye candy. What made this series great was the villians. Willem Dafoe made a Great Green Goblin (James Franco, not so much), Venom, the Sand Dude even Doctor Octavius (even though they made him to emotional)
The movies Spawn, Tank Girl, and Hellboy were all just dark, weird, and at times uncomfortable. Half rabbit/humans,ghoulish short monster clowns, and Nazi frankenstein docs look like they were thought up during a bad LSD trip. I mean, I might as well be screening The League of Extrodanary Gentlemen.
My whole point is, there should be some critiera for writers to write their screenplays. Re-imagining something is okay as long as it stays true to the original product. The verdict is still out on the movies Thor and Wonder Woman. There was an outcry of Wonder Woman's attire recently but seriously, unless it was Linda Carter in a one piece swimsuit, hose, and boots, why does anyone care? Writers should not be allowed to write a script unless they actually "read" the comic books for "many" issues to figure it all out and do the comic book justice.
The honorable mentions for this blog are the kiddie friendly flicks Marmaduke, Garfield (Jennifer Love Hewitt was sooo hawt in this), Richie Rich and Dennis The Menace...let's just hope they don't try to make a movie out of Family Circle or Cathy. I can totally see a movie for the Wizard of Id, Dagwood, or even as outlandish as Bloom County, Calvin and Hobbes(anyone ever see the Robot Chicken cartoon of them?)..making a movie from Doonesbury would be better suited for the Lifetime Movie Network.
Some comic books that I'd like to see as movies...
Liberty Meadows...Frank Cho is a genius, a great guy(I met him) and his characters are hilarious...who'd be cast as Brandy? Any votes?
Player Versus Player...Scott Kuntz is a jerk(met him too, didn't want to talk to me unless I paid him some money to have him draw me something)...but his comic book is hilarious and many geeks/nerds/fanboys can identify with the characters
Gen13...well they made X-Men, why not?
Cloak and Dagger...and oldie BUT deep and dark enough to have a good screenplay written for it. even one of the comic books I have of it, Batman makes an appearance.
Danger Girl...very short series but well written...I know, I know...very Charlie's Angels like BUT I think it is grittier, more action packed and I am SURE you can cast four totally hawt actresses that can act.
Last but not least, Sgt. Rock...the soldier has survived from North Africa, Italy, to Germany. That's three movies right there. At the very least, you can find the writers from the HBO series Band of Brothers and The Pacific and make it into a 10 episode series.
In the end, writing a screenplay for a comic book movie is very much like making a video game. Don't push it out the door for release just to make a quick summer buck. It will turn out shoddy, buggy, and watchable. Till next time...Semper Fi!

FEEL THE BURN

I joined the gym last February 2010. My doc had told me that either I go on a diet or exercise more. Of course, I choice to exercise more and began to train for a USMC Mud Run back in September. My team and I did very well, but there is still the matter of the spare tire I developed after leaving the Corps back in 2000. My motivation for 2011 is that, this year, my 20 year high school reunion is the end of September, and the USMC Mud Run is 3 weeks later in October. So for now, I gotta feel the BURN...